Five Money Habits That Will Ruin Your Marriage

When it comes to marriage and money, my husband and I did everything wrong.

• We barely talked about finances before we got married.
• We had no idea how much debt we each had.
• We had no idea how much money we made jointly.

It was the perfect start to wedded bliss, right?

Not exactly.

If there’s one thing I regret, it’s not getting on the same financial footing before we got married. It would have saved a lot of heartache and stress if we had really sat down and discussed our finances—from salaries to debt to financial goals—before we said “I do.”

The good news is you can learn from my mistakes.

Here are the five money habits that will ruin your marriage and how you can avoid them:

Not Talking About Money

By far, the best way to create financial discord in a marriage is to simply not talk about it.

Too many times, couples avoid the money conversation altogether because of the anxiety it creates. But not talking about it won’t solve the problem.

It’s important to set aside some time either weekly or monthly to talk about your finances. Make it a casual thing. Open up a bottle of wine or go out to dinner. Keep the mood light-hearted so that the conversation stays light-hearted. Nobody should ever be scared to talk about money with their spouse.

Avoiding a Financial Plan

Chances are you both have visions of where you want to be in ten years—are you both on the same financial page? Create a long-term financial plan that you can both stick to.

It’s important to know each other’s stance on retirement, debt, home buying, saving and spending. What hopes and visions do you have for your retirement? You may envision a jet-setter retirement with vacation homes in Costa Rica and Thailand, where you spouse may be thinking a cabin in the woods with a minimalist lifestyle. Both these dreams are great, but they require vastly different retirement planning.

Get on the same page when it comes to your finances by establishing a financial plan for your marriage.

Lying About Money

The easiest way to lose trust in a marriage is to lie—and lying about money just adds to the sting.

You may think that hiding a purchase or pocketing a bonus check won’t hurt anyone, but if your spouse were ever to find out, it could really impact your relationship’s trust.

When it comes to lying about finances, just don’t do it. It’s that simple.

Not Being on the Same Team

There is no “I” in “Team,” and there’s no room for egos in a marriage.

In order to create the honesty and comfort that is needed to talk openly about marriage, you both have to commit to being on the same team.

When there are disagreements about money, it’s important to talk about it in a manner that lets you know you’re both respected and valued. Find a compromise without resorting to ultimatums or name-calling.

Developing a Parent-Child Relationship

Chances are one of you is a saver and the other is a spender. This can easily lead to a parent-child relationship as the saver takes over the finances and limits, in some cases, stifles the spender.

My husband and I easily fell into this trap as I tried to control his over-spending. It took a while for us to find an appropriate balance within our marriage without resorting to a parent-child relationship.

Nowadays, I bite my tongue a lot more often and he tries harder to be more frugal. We reel each other in so that we’re always on the same financial page.