Parents: 4 Tips for Beating Birthday Party Excess

As parents, it’s easy to get sucked into the excess of children’s birthday parties. Expensive venues, presents, and general overindulgence have become common for the sub-10-year-old crowd. Subsequently, it’s tough to say “no” when everyone else is doing it. But, not only is over-purchasing expensive, most of those new toys are forgotten within days (at least in my experience).

So, this year, I tried to tone things down, and with that, adjust my older daughter’s expectations. For Gemma’s 5th birthday, I asked parents to bring a donation of clothing for children in need, in lieu of a present for her. Although Gemma didn’t take the news well initially, she had so much fun at the party that she quickly forgot about wanting birthday presents.

As my girls get older, I’m becoming more aware that children aren’t born with a sense of perspective and that it’s our responsibility, as parents, to teach them. I admit that I have been known to overindulge in the past, but I’m trying to make some positive changes. I’d like my girls to understand (and embody) the qualities of giving, caring, and compassion. The only way I can ensure they will do so is if I teach them by my own example.

My family is still a work in progress, of course, but I’ve found that birthdays are a great time to remind my kids—and myself—that while celebrating ourselves, we should remember what it truly means to indulge. Part of this process involves taking stock of all that we are grateful for, and in turn, sharing that gratitude with others. After all, plenty of studies show that securing our long-term happiness will more likely come from practicing gratitude than focusing on accumulation.

With that in mind, here are four of my best tips for beating the birthday party excess:

1. Have Discussions

While eagerly anticipating her birthday, Gemma recited her “wants” list at regular intervals. I regularly reminded her that she wouldn’t be getting everything she wanted, but would receive a few select items. I’m not sure whether the concept actually stuck, but over the last five years of parenting I’ve learned that repetition is a good thing. Come the actual day of her birthday, she was pleased with the one “big ticket item” she received—an American Girl Doll.

In addition, I took time to regularly explain why other children would be bringing clothes to donate instead of presents. To help frame this this I enlisted the media to kick start the discussions. There are several great children’s television programs that address the concept of giving back. So, if the theme comes up, why not use it as a teachable moment. It’s much easier to talk about charity when Sophia the First has provided a bit of context.

2. Do a Clear Out

Have old toys that aren’t being used? It may be the perfect time to make a large donation. A birthday offers an ideal opportunity to sift through items and pare down what you have.

In the weeks leading up to Gemma’s birthday, I began quietly removing toys from our playroom—things she didn’t use on a regular basis. If after several weeks, she hadn’t asked for them, I seized the opportunity and had a conversation about how much “stuff” we need. Sometimes I retrieved one item from what I’d collected and left the rest—allowing her to keep one car versus twenty, for example. The remainder was donated to a charity organization or given away on our local neighborhood Listserv.

In my opinion, the more involved your children can get in this process, the better. Older kids, especially, are ready to start digesting the concept that they don’t need everything (and there are items that can be passed on to those who have less, or are simply in need of an item we no longer use). My goal moving forward is to have Gemma participate in a bi-yearly clean out.

3. Create Your Own Birthday Traditions

Experiential learning is also meaningful for children, so along with their annual gift getting, why not start a birthday tradition of gift giving?

Having collected clothing donations instead of presents for Gemma’s birthday party, we all had seen firsthand that a mountain of gifts was not a prerequisite for having fun at a birthday party. This inspired several of her friends’ parents to follow suit at their children’s birthday parties.

It just goes to show you that you can redefine what it means to celebrate a birthday – even for small children. While a birthday traditionally calls for friends and family to honor the birthday girl, you can also help your birthday girl honor her own ability to make the world a better place. Why not have your children participate in picking out items for a toy drive and collecting canned food—it’s a great way to start a new tradition of birthday giving. Check out this list of other ways you can help your children appreciate receiving by making sure they understand giving.

4. Get Family Members on Board

Grandparents love indulging children and I certainly don’t want to relieve them of this pleasure. However, there are ways to treat a grandchild without actually giving them more “things.” An experiential gift—a movie, a show, or an ice cream date—can be just as enjoyable for a child. A few hours of one on one “special” time is beyond meaningful for someone small.

Have an open discussion with the grandparents in your life. Tell them what your expectations are, how much money you’d like them to spend (and on what). Together you can develop a plan that ensures everyone is happy.

If you’ve tackled this issue with your children and have some creative ideas you’d like to share with our audience, please drop us an email – we’d love to hear from you.